Life, as we know it, changes constantly. And even bigger changes follow when we have to shift to a new environment. We all might have someone in our lives, our parents, or partners, parents of our partner, and living with them, adjusting again might become a bit more difficult than we thought. Here are a few tips that might ease you when things get tough.
Understand The Blueprint
Each person grows up with their own blueprint, their idea of how life should be, and the way they want to live it. We generally feel that our idea of life is right or we tend to wrong the values of others we don’t agree to. And that’s the truth. Your lives might intersect but your blueprint might go in different directions. But accepting the fact that another person can have his/her own way of living makes it a bit easier for us to detach from the situation and not take things personally.
Understanding the 3E’s
Every person is made up of 3 E’s- Education, Experiences, and the environment. The moment we get this, the moment we realize that their behaviours, needs, and beliefs stem from these 3 E’s, it becomes easier to accept them.
Switch hats
When you feel you’re being misunderstood or are unable to get close to the other person, switch hats. Try to think and see from another person’s perspective, as if it were you. As if you were in his environment with his experiences. This helps in resolving differences and also gives you closure.
See the intention
A person surely behaves according to his most innate needs. And sometimes, the intention of that person is overridden by his selfish and mean behaviour. Take some time off, and try to understand his innermost need and intention.
Show Gratitude
We often tend to believe that we’re the ones making all the compromises and adjustments. And sometimes we become a complaint book, not looking at the whole but only the Negatives. I invite you to appreciate even the little changes a loved one is making for you instead of focusing all your energy on the thing they couldn’t do for you. Be verbal about those appreciations.
Expect realistically
We sometimes have expectations from a person that doesn’t match his value system, not to who he/she is, not to his blueprint. When you feel you are being mistreated or misvalued, I suggest you to first see the person for who he is and then mend those expectations around his priority values. In this way, the other person might not flinch from fulfilling those expectations.
Communicate
We often set our expectations with the belief that the other person should understand those basic expectations. When it doesn’t happen, it makes us feel miserable and undervalued. Instead of trying to cut those expectations and harbour a negative feeling inside, instead of assuming that your expectations are understood, try to communicate them directly.
Draw Boundaries
When you do things for the other person that were unasked for, weren’t needed, or was too much of an expectation that you wanted to fulfil to make him/her happy, you feel that your compromises or actions weren’t valued. When you feel like making an adjustment is against your sense of self, don’t hesitate to say no. Instead, look out for a solution that is based on common grounds.
